Friday, April 21, 2006
FREE DRUGS, GUARANTEED TOP QUALITY, HOSPITAL GRADE
The chopper had touched down on the helipad at the Alfred hospital fairly smoothly, but that could have been the morphine now coursing through my vascular system.
The beautiful thing about morphine is that the pain was still there, but just not as bad…….anyhow, I was feeling pretty good……..I was high as a kite and loving it!
I was then wheeled into the main trauma unit, completely ignorant of the fact that would be the last time my skin would feel the rays of the sun and my hair be caressed by the breeze for over a fortnight.
I had already met more people in a short amount of time than you would on speed dating, but there was more.
“Hallow. I’m Haans Peeta. I will bee opereyteeng on youu toodey.”
Excuse my graphic representation of a german accent, his english was actually pretty good.
Hans Peter and the rest of the crew soon set to work on me. I was glad they decided to knock me out prior to irradiating my body and possibly turning any future offspring into potential mutants. ( I’m hoping to get a cd of the x-rays from radiology, could look interesting )
I was also glad that a German was going to be bolting me back together. Germans being well known for their engineering and precision.
I would rather the people who build Mercedes and BMW putting my somewhat battered body back together than people who build Hyundai and Daewoo. If anyone takes offence to that, so be it.
They shouldn’t have built those crappy little shitboxes.
I woke up feeling all better / high as kite still and after a little while was wheeled into what would be my new temporary home for a while, ward 2D, where all the people who didn’t die from major trauma live.
Not happily as I found out.
Having never broken a bone in my body or spent time in hospital, I was not prepared for the cacophony & business that is a trauma ward.
Imagine the sounds made by people periodically being rolled over, to stop bed sores or to get on a bed pan, who have for example fractured pelvises or other parts. I would think they would not be much different from the screams and moans heard in Abu Ghraib prison.
Add to this the never ending vitals checks, drug injections, pill handouts, etc.
Not a fun place to be and not very conducive to sleeping.
The next day I was informed that the surgery went well and that I have multiple fractures in all four limbs.
Broken left collar bone, fracture in the pelvis around the right hip, multiple fractures in the left & right femurs, right ring & little fingers, wrist as well as compound fractures of both right radius & ulna and right tibula.
Turns out I have so much metal in my body that I’ll need to start carrying anal lubricant with me just to get onto an aeroplane. Both femurs have rods & pins, right arm has plates & screws, right fingers have pins and are in traction, right lower leg has plates, screws & pins.
Being post op. I was given two toys to play with. One was the button that’s supposed to make the nurses come running and the other, a little button that gives me a dose of morphine ( max. of 1 dose every 5 minutes ).
The latter was my favourite toy and I played with it a lot. As well as being great fun and good for pain relief, it turned to be quite educational.
I’d realised why hospital walls and ceilings are not decorated.
With the amount of morphine and other drugs circulating through my body I didn’t need decorations.
Gotta love that.
I get to get high for free and it’s legal as well as being prescribed by a doctor. Gotta love the silver lining around this dark cloud.
to be continued...............
The beautiful thing about morphine is that the pain was still there, but just not as bad…….anyhow, I was feeling pretty good……..I was high as a kite and loving it!
I was then wheeled into the main trauma unit, completely ignorant of the fact that would be the last time my skin would feel the rays of the sun and my hair be caressed by the breeze for over a fortnight.
I had already met more people in a short amount of time than you would on speed dating, but there was more.
“Hallow. I’m Haans Peeta. I will bee opereyteeng on youu toodey.”
Excuse my graphic representation of a german accent, his english was actually pretty good.
Hans Peter and the rest of the crew soon set to work on me. I was glad they decided to knock me out prior to irradiating my body and possibly turning any future offspring into potential mutants. ( I’m hoping to get a cd of the x-rays from radiology, could look interesting )
I was also glad that a German was going to be bolting me back together. Germans being well known for their engineering and precision.
I would rather the people who build Mercedes and BMW putting my somewhat battered body back together than people who build Hyundai and Daewoo. If anyone takes offence to that, so be it.
They shouldn’t have built those crappy little shitboxes.
I woke up feeling all better / high as kite still and after a little while was wheeled into what would be my new temporary home for a while, ward 2D, where all the people who didn’t die from major trauma live.
Not happily as I found out.
Having never broken a bone in my body or spent time in hospital, I was not prepared for the cacophony & business that is a trauma ward.
Imagine the sounds made by people periodically being rolled over, to stop bed sores or to get on a bed pan, who have for example fractured pelvises or other parts. I would think they would not be much different from the screams and moans heard in Abu Ghraib prison.
Add to this the never ending vitals checks, drug injections, pill handouts, etc.
Not a fun place to be and not very conducive to sleeping.
The next day I was informed that the surgery went well and that I have multiple fractures in all four limbs.
Broken left collar bone, fracture in the pelvis around the right hip, multiple fractures in the left & right femurs, right ring & little fingers, wrist as well as compound fractures of both right radius & ulna and right tibula.
Turns out I have so much metal in my body that I’ll need to start carrying anal lubricant with me just to get onto an aeroplane. Both femurs have rods & pins, right arm has plates & screws, right fingers have pins and are in traction, right lower leg has plates, screws & pins.
Being post op. I was given two toys to play with. One was the button that’s supposed to make the nurses come running and the other, a little button that gives me a dose of morphine ( max. of 1 dose every 5 minutes ).
The latter was my favourite toy and I played with it a lot. As well as being great fun and good for pain relief, it turned to be quite educational.
I’d realised why hospital walls and ceilings are not decorated.
With the amount of morphine and other drugs circulating through my body I didn’t need decorations.
Gotta love that.
I get to get high for free and it’s legal as well as being prescribed by a doctor. Gotta love the silver lining around this dark cloud.
to be continued...............
