Wednesday, June 28, 2006

STRANGE THING THE HUMAN BRAIN.......

Standing there at the cavernous mouth of the seemingly never ending tunnel I tried to fathom the age of its existence.
I couldn’t remember how we came to be in this place.
I knew it was near some beach, in the hinterland or forest, but that seemed about as important at the time as the list of things to get at the local shop, sitting crumpled in my pocket.
The walls glowing with ever changing fractal patterns and colours, blended into each other as soon as I tried to focus on the vanishing point.
Something about it returned me to my childhood and the Doctor Who starting credits.
Only this was far more complex, far more beautiful, far more sinister and awesome.
More like the best acid trip you’ve ever been on multiplied by a million times, than something the special effects guys at BBC could ever come up with.
There was no vanishing point, at least none that I could see.
This was the stuff of chaos, primordial and raw. Pure chaos in its original and only form.
How it existed here in a layer so fine was incomprehensible.
Completely disparate yet inherently attached to our reality like the DNA shared by siblings.


“How old is this?” I enquired softly.


“Old as time itself.” he replied.
“You see, when the earth was being created these were used to travel between one point and another. Kind of like a lift on a construction site or a subway.” He added enthusiastically.


“How many of them are there?” I asked almost automatically, still trying hard to comprehend what I was witness to.


“No one really knows.”
“Over time their existence and locations have been forgotten, but we do know of three more.” He added in a very matter of fact manner.


“So, where does this one go to?”

I turned my head towards him.


“No one really knows. Or more to the point, no one that I’m aware of has ever had the guts to find out.”




Funny the dreams you have sometimes :)







Four II





The left side of the long bolt is the one which a tendon or ligament is flicking across, causing mucho paino and severely inhibiting my rehab...........

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

FOOTBALL, PIZZA AND MORPHINE..... OR HOW AUSTRALIA WAS KNOCKED OUT OF THE WORLD CUP

Operation Pus Storm went well as far as operations go. ( incidently, I previously said this operation was no. 5 when in fact it was no.6 )
A quick visit from the surgeon confirmed that the cavity had indeed reached questionable proportions and had gone down to the metal.
I feel that if left any longer it could well have been of sufficient size to provide a new clandestine abode for Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein ( or Sad and Insane as I prefer to know him as ).
Lord knows there were enough nasty little germs and other things of questionable character living in there!
Those two jolly Arabic larrikins would have felt right at home there, issuing fatwahs and reminiscing over their favourite jihad moments with gay abandon.
So after cutting away the damaged tissue and evicting the little nasties out of their warm and humid little home, the offending hole was closed up and stitched anew.
Let's hope this is the last time.

After waking up and receiving a visit from Sister Morphine I was eventually sent back to my room where I spent most of the night being poked, prodded and felt by nurses.
Unfortunately this wasn't in the manner in which I would have preferred but was simply in order to make sure I was still alive and no bits were falling off or whatever it is that they check.

After more visits from Sister Morphine my 4 hour long post op. wait was over and I was finally able to eat something.
My roommate Mark ( bless his little big brother addicted soul ) had ordered a pizza for us while I was lying on the chop shop table.
At this point The Australia v Italy game had gotten under way.
So there I lay, tucked into my bed, quietly munching on microwaved hot n spicy and bbq chicken pizza slices with my brain doing a leisurely backstroke around a kiddy pool full of morphine.
Bliss!!!

What a frustrating game it must've been for straight or drunk people.
The way in which the Italians won was truly, dare I say it, shite!
Firstly, the Italian who got the penalty only did so due to his incredible thespian talent and secondly, the referee was either racially prejudiced against Australia, or was on the take, or was as blind as a naked mole rat of the Afreakan scrub lands.
It seems that all three Australian games were aflicted with pillock referees and that is a real shame as the socceroos played very well and deserved better.
I'm kind of glad I was in an altered mental state as I probably would have gotten quite upset by the way in which Australia was knocked out had I not had a head full of narcotics.
It was painful but I just didn't notice or care about the pain :)

After the game, my drip was removed from my arm and the half hourly checks had ceased.
I was finally able to get some rest.........


Had another one of those Sound Of Music dreams again where I was running around some grassy meadow or something, without a care in the world, only to stop and think:

"Hang on a second! I cant walk let alone run!"

They are truly bizzare those dreams!!

Monday, June 26, 2006

SO BORED AND HUNGRY

I am waiting for my operation and fasting. Got so bored I photographed some of my x-rays for you all to have a look at.
Feel free to click on them for a larger photo















Sunday, June 25, 2006

LIKE PUS THROUGH THE WOUNDS,...... SO ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES

Another groundhog day in the horse piddle. Just killin' time till the chop shop tomorrow.

Although I did write a song today, words and chords, the basic innards of a song anyway.
Was quite chuffed with it actually as I'm not much of a writer, but was more than happy with the lyrics.


God I'm bored!!!!!
Can't even go out to take photos as my left knee's playing up. The inside tendon is flicking across a cross bolt when I use it to push the wheelchair.
It sucks arse! And hurts a bit too.
But at least I've got my guitar.
Oh, and the sausages my mum brought in for me!
And the chocolate. There's always the chocolate!





Here's one for our Kiwi neighbours.

Friday, June 23, 2006

FERAL WOUNDS, DOMESTICATED ANIMALS AND SEPTIC TANKS

Yay for Australia getting through into the next round in the world cup!!!


Had a visit from Golden Sack awardee Kate yesterday.
She spoke of many things on her trip to Afreaka, here are just some that caught my attention :

The inability to deal with utefulls of armed men driving around the streets

The general feeling of unease and violence pervading the streets.

The American tourists who were busily engaged in pursuits guaranteeing a pathological hate for their nation by anyone who comes in contact with them ( if they didn’t already have one ).
One pair of septic tanks was spotted haggling with a shop attendant about the price of a painting. The going rate was about $4 and they were trying to beat him down to $3.50. Not meaning to sound racist but, must’ve been Jewish.
Ok, so maybe that is a bit racist but the next one is true.

A 21/22 year old “Jewish Princess” was spotted at the airport duty free in Nairobi trying to haggle with the shop assistant in a rather unpleasant manner.
When informed that it is not shop policy to haggle and that he can’t do anything about it, the girl got mighty upset and threatened the assistant with her Jewish mother. Having said that she did go and get her mum.
Thankfully, her mum could see the inappropriate nature of the negotiation and refused to back her daughter.

And the U.S. of A. wonders why people want to fly aeroplanes and drive cars full of explosives into them!

tsk, tsk, tsk…..

Anyway, Kate has a dilemma due to her holiday being cut so short, she is now faced with the fact that her room at the Watkins Street residence is occupied by French students for about 6 weeks.
Seeing as I am likely to be in hospital for that period she will be staying at Clarence Street.
Watkins Street and Clarence are a bit like sister cities, except that they’re not cities but houses. But you get the point.


Chicken update: Michael, our resident chicken master is in full swing building the chook pen in the back yard and the word is the chooks’ accommodation will be better than ours.
And purple.

Me update: Had a surgeon take a captain’s at my infected and unclosing wounds.
Not having enough precious metal in my body, I have been getting these wounds dressed with special stuff which contains silver. Kid you not!
Anyway, this hasn’t done the trick.
Looks like I might be going back under the knife on Monday.
That’ll be operation number 5 “Pus Storm” and should be a relatively straightforward event.

P.S. I have found my new roommate's flaw ( we all have them ).
He’s a big brother watcher.
Apart from that, he's a really nice bloke.
Please note the lack of caps as I feel the show does not deserve respect as indicated by capital letters.
I don’t understand this show or unreality tv in general.
Why would someone want to sit on a couch watching other people sitting on a couch!?
Never mind as I have plenty of music to drown out the morons on that show.


Did I mention how jealous I am of my sister and her man?
Not only can they walk, but they're going to Iceland as well!!!






With Princess Strawberry at the pub. Pondering the safety of Richmond.





One of the offending wounds ( the shoulder if you can't tell )





A close up of the offending wound. HELLO! HELLo! HELlo! HEllo! Hello! hello!






Uuuuuggghhhh!!!! You can see its innards!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

INSURANCE SCAMS AND CLAY DONKEYS

Got the phone call from the insurance company today.
They valued the bike at $3800. So take away the $200 the wrecker is offering that will be $3600.
Can you believe someone actually wants to pay $200 for this hunk o' rubbish!
Oh well, that's about what I expected really so that's alright then.









Had my first craft class today and started making what I think will be a clay candle holder. I'm not sure yet, it might be a donkey or something.
It's supposed to be therapy for my fingers and hand but feels more like basket weaving for the disabled.
Sitting there in my little wheelchair, mucking around with clay, making a mess, kinda ignorant blissful fun actually!


Found out my sister and her man are off to Iceland! Soooo jealous!
That would be so good!
I am bestowing a belated Moomins M.C. Golden Sack (Of Pine Needles) to the lovely pair for their continuous travels that have taken them across Europe, the U.K. and Ireland. And now of course to Iceland.
I salute you Gosia and Glenn! I trust that you understand that this award is not given out to just anyone and you now join a priveliged few within the Golden Sack circle.

Oh, and thanks heaps for the cd's! Enjoying them heaps!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I THINK I'M GETTING OLD.......

Boy did I get a surprise this morning!
I’d woken up and felt like a broken old man.
Everything hurt and the bits that didn’t hurt, ached.
Boy, I really value these painkillers now that I know what it feels like when the nurses forget to administer them to you!
I must admit, this hospital thing is finally starting to get to me. Although it hasn’t got me beat. That would take an army of minions!
I want to walk, but they won’t let me. I can kind of walk / shuffle.
I mean, that just sucks arse!
My wound on my hip from the bone graft donor site isn’t healing. In fact it’s opened up and you can see the internal stitching. And that’s just plain annoying seeing as it’s been nearly 4 weeks, not to mention that it feels like something like a cross between a tickle and stabbing pain.
The blistered / infected wound on my collarbone has just split and oozed all over my top as I write this. Good thing it was a black top, eh?
So I’m now wearing my Sonic The Hedgehog t shirt. This one has been on many adventures with me it’s almost like a security blanket.
But it’s my roommate’s birthday today and he’s just given me a piece of his chocolate mud cake and I feel much better now thank you. J

God I can be so shallow sometimes!









Second hand radiator anyone?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

3 MONTHS AND STILL NO WALKIES

"It's been one of the best Saturdays I've had for ages!" I proclaimed.

"It's Sunday....." said Maxi.

Hmmm, those drugs just aren't having any effect at all are they!

Went to the pub today with Maxi and Erin today. Maxi being Alan's daughter.
They wheeled me down there and we met Alan, Adam and Paul for some lighthearted conversation and to toast my 3 month anniversary.
Yes folks, it's been 3 months to the day since my indecent assualt by the semi.
And it sure as hell feels like 3 months too.
I'm hoping that in a month's time I can go home, but we'll see.
We were treated to some interesting displays. One being some poor girl's fashion victim consequence, her hipster jeans were so low we were all tempted to see how many coins we could slot down her arse crack.
The other being some Aussieroos supporter who continuously picked his nose and then proceeded to play with the newly acquired piece of snot like it was some piece of plastecine or something. He was doing this in full view of all the punters like it was completely normal.
The people that you meet in Richmond!
I think this is the first time I've been tipsy since before coming into the hospital system.
It felt really good too, especially being wheeled back to my room at a fair rate of knots by two giggling girls who thought that dodgem cars with a wheelchair was a really cool concept.
Fastest I've ever returned from the pub!

When I got to my room, Mum and a couple of her friends were there with a plate of home cooked pierogi. For those unfortunate to not be in the know, these are little pastries filled with either meat or cheese, boiled and served with fried onion and bacon.
Mmmmmmmmmm, god it tasted good!
This was followed by some home baked almond cake which was equally as scrumptious.


My attempt to get one good photo per day has been thwarted by a neverending series of overcast, sunless days which just does not make for good photos.
Oh well, it gets me out of the hospital for a while each day.
And I've found the quickest and easiest way to get back to my ward is to go down the underground carpark ramp and to the lift, which then takes me straight to my ward.
Get a decent pace down that ramp, and I've found I can steer the wheelchair using the brakes. This enables me to squeeze between the boom gate and the wall at the bottom. A darn handy thing that as I wouldn't want to add an unsuccessful decapitation to my list of injuries.


Not much left to do but to stay up to watch the Australia Brazil match. I think it would take an absolute miracle for Australia to win this one, but we'll see.
:)






Thursday, June 15, 2006

MOTORCYCLES AND WHEELCHAIRS

Had my plastics review yesterday.
Another heap of hours lost, waiting for a 15 minute appointment. I read an entire edition of Rallysport Magazine.
Anyway, they were pretty happy with the progress and don't want to see me for another 4 months. That's good I reckon.


Today I went exploring around the hospital to try and find some interesting things to shoot or vantage points.
Ended up outside of the back of the hospital where I'd parked myself on the footpath and waited for the light to change to a less grey colour so I could practice shooting the sky.
I happened to park next to a woman sitting on the fence.
She was a nurse from the surgical ward, waiting for her lift.
Turns out she went to South America with her boyfriend and travelled on a motorbike for 6 months.
They had a drunk old man pull out on his pushbike into the fast lane.
She spent 6 weeks in hospital over there.
Funny the people you meet isn't it.............


I'm aiming to get one decent shot per day.
Here's today's offering:
( click on photo for full view )



I feel like the wheel chair sometimes.






For Sale
FZ750 screen, tinted, near new condition




Tuesday, June 13, 2006

BILL MURRAY AND OTHER UNPLEASANTRIES

My roommate Angelo is leaving!
He's been here ever since I moved from the Alfred and has certainly played a part in my general wellbeing. This gentle giant will be missed and I hope my new roomy will be half as good.
Don't want a repeat of faecal commentary man now do I!
Incidently, remember the time he was arguing in his sleep, well apparently I was humming / singing in mine last night.


I've been told by the doctors not to continue my attempted walking until my review in 3 weeks.
Bugger.......


I have been mucking around with my new camera, only problem is there's not a hell of a lot of subject matter that I'd like to shoot here ( I like to shoot the outdoors and there aint too much of that in a Richmond hospital ).


Completely off the subject, I am really fed up!!!
I'm really fed up with Bill Murray!
There's one of his films on the movie channel here and it's just like quite a few of his recent films.
Like many of his other films ( Life Aquatic, Lost In Translation ) he seems to spend the entire length of the film with that stupid, melancholic, almost bored hound dog look on his face whilst generally spending a lot of time sitting or standing and looking into space for extened periods. God it drives me nuts!!! It's like the guy has forgotten to smile...........or act for that matter.
I'm really not sure whether he's going through some extended mid life crisis or just lost the will to live.
If it's the latter, then he should be done with it and stop imposing these mundane films on us.

Ahhhhhhhh...............
There, I feel much better now.






Seems my collarbone wound has decided to get a bit infected. I was all for "lancing" it but the staff said it's not such a hot idea. Apologies for poor image quality :)






Another invention of mine, the spokeless wheel. Designed to reduce unsprung weight.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

WHAT DAY IS IT AGAIN?

Last couple of days have been spent with a mix of physio, trying to make sense of the camera owner's manual and also the camera. I'm pooped!


I had a missed phone call from a mate's wife today. He used to be my boss in Tasmania but over time became much more than that. So I rang back


"Hi Lyn! It's me, just returning your call."

"Hi, we're here in Melbourne!"

"I thought you weren't coming until early June?!"

"It is June............."


Hmmmmm
What can I say, time flies when you're having fun and the drugs aren't effecting me at all............no sirreee........no probs

Anyway let's not dwell on such minor details. We had a great time catching up and just talking and drinking beer.



Here's Bones on his mad mountain crossing 965km asylum special ride.
I guess if the Michellin man ever fell into a vat of flouro paint and threw snowballs at his motorsickle then that's what he'd look like.












I always thought cylinderical exhausts were so old fashioned...........

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I'M SO HAPPY I COULD SHIT!!! AND TAKE PHOTOS OF IT!!!

More physio today, just more of the same, although I felt a bit better today. Maybe because of the sleep in till 10am. I missed breakfast and just got physio on time. My body must've needed the extra sleep.
As a treat that afternoon, Ange my roommate and myself escaped to the city in a taxi. Purpose of the trip: to finally buy the camera I'd been eyeing off for over 6 months.
What a sight, one on crutches and the other in a wheelchair. My good mate Geoff rang and reckoned he had an image of the guys in One Flew Over A Cuckoo's Nest on their awol escape.
After extremely extensive and exhausting research as to which brand & model? where to buy? etc., I went back to a shop at which I was treated very well about 6 months ago when initially looking into this venture.

Got my new camera!...........Canon 350d with 17-85 lens...........very sexy..........very pleased

Haven't worked out how to use it yet though.
Wish I had as we passed a police car on the way back from the camera shop, the little porky driving with his mobile phone firmly attached to his head.

The evening was capped off with pizza and wine.
All in all a good antidote for the pain and effort involved with the days physio.





A new device I've devised to combat that problem of not being able to see the road because some turkey in a UAV ( urban assault vehicle, or city 4x4 as otherwise known as ) has cut in front of you.
When flicked forward for city riding, it enables the rider to sit on top of the rack and to see over the top of the offending UAV.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

PLANES, BIKES AND AUTOMOBILES

Seems this physio caper is all it's cut out to be.
Here I was thinking that a couple of hour long sessions per day shouldn't be a hassle and yet it is.
I spent an extra 3/4 hour in the gym today and it showed this evening.
Last two days I've been crashing out just after dinner and today was no exception, being different in the sense that I crashed for longer and didn't seem to have any appetite for the scrumptious looking burger with the lot.
Adding to this is the lack of sleep. Last two nights I've been waking up half a dozen times during the night due to pain and then finding it hard to fall asleep.
Oh well, could be worse. I could be in jail waking up half a dozen times per night in pain due to Bubba having his ways with my butt.


I will be starting an award today for extraordinary adventures.
This award shall be known as the

"Moomins M.C. Golden Sack (Of Pine Needles)"

and will be awarded as I see fit for acts displaying an adventurous spirit and adventures which normal beige people would classify as stupid, pointless ( or other negative adjectives) because they have forgotten their own sense of adventure at the age of five when they started reading the Financial Review.

The inaugural "Moomins M.C. Gold Sack Full Of Pine Needles" award goes to my good mate Anthony aka Bones, who today embarked on a 965km trip from Melbourne east to Bairnsdale, through the high country over Mt. Hotham and back to Melbourne via the Myrtleford and Yea. Experiencing fog patches, ice and extreme boredom he reckons it's 235km short of the proposed trip to Wilpena Pound we were going to embark upon at Easter, before I was violated by tons of potato salad.

This is a shared award as I am also bestowing it upon another good mate of mine Kate aka Princess Strawberry, who is enroute from London back to Melbourne to return to her frog infested home ( they have French people staying, poor blighters ).
She embarked on a solo trip to Afreaka, which turned out to be much shorter than anticipated due to some not very nice experiences there.


Good on both of them and may the wind always be behind them!


Speaking of adventures, I'm reading One Good Run, the life story of Burt Munro at the moment. Whilst reading it I was searching the net for pictures of some of the vehicles mentioned in the book, which were at Bonneville Salt Flats. I came across this interesting page.
  • CHEVYASYLUM
  • It belongs to a chap whose pick up was used as a period vehicle in the movie World's Fastes Indian. It's got some great behind the scenes shots as well as shots from the current speed trials being run 3 miles away.





    The lifeless eye of my ex glamour..........





    I've figured out how my left femur got broken and why it hurt like buggery.

    Monday, June 05, 2006

    THRILLS, SPILLS AND 3RD DEGREE BURNS

    Was very stoked to catch up with a good mate Trent from Tassie yesterday. Not only did he bring himself but also not one, but two six packs of my favourite.......Cascade Red!
    What A fine drop it is! Nectar o' the gods!
    Seeing as it can't be purchased legally or otherwise in Victoria I savour every drop I can get like Paris Hilton in a certain video. Although I tend not to make as many f**k faces.
    We popped down to the pub where beer was consumed, news exchanged and old adventures reminisced upon.
    I was also visited by one of my sister's friend's mum Urania, whom I haven't seen since I left Tassie. So.... hi to Gosia from Urania!


    Did I fail to mention the minor spill I had on Saturday?
    Seems all the physio had caught up with my right calf.
    Getting up in the morning I tried to put my right foot down flat on the ground only to find out that it didn't want to. My calf muscle / tendon was so tight that I couldn't get it stretched enough to enable me to put my foot down. As a result I fell backwards........kind of landing on the bed / wheelchair / nurse.
    No harm done, but still having trouble getting more than 90 degrees out of my ankle.


    Right now I'm watching a bloke on tv who went into a coma ( diabetes related I think ) in his car, the car caught on fire, he woke up and got rescued. Went to hospital with 60% 3rd degree burns, now only has part of a thumb left and is on a respirator. And get this, he's a clinical psychologist who was attached to a burns unit for 4 years!
    Suddenly a dodgy calf seems so insignificant.






    I think that's truck tyre tracks on the engine. And just look what they've done to my beautiful alloy rear set footpegs......spanked!




    Don't need whole brake discs anyway! Hell, Bert Munro never used brakes!





    Cracked rocker covers........I guess that's what you get for letting 30 odd tons of potato salad have it's way with your 'cycle.

    Saturday, June 03, 2006

    AHHH, HOME SWEET HOME..........

    I had a very interesting, fun and tiring day today.
    Had a home visit for the afternoon.
    Yep, actually got to spend some time with some mates drinking beer, fiddling with cars, playing guitars and all those things that you do with your mates when you're not taking up precious bed space in a hospital.

    I also had some home made lasagne prepared by resident chef Cam, what a treat that was! Just the antidote to months of hospital food.

    Got to know my other housemate a bit and was stoked to find out that he's even keener than the rest of us to install avian pets in the back yard, namely the egg laying variety.

    Also visited the record shop owned by one of the guys in the band and the italian bakery next door to him. MMMMM.........freshly baked rolls with swiss cheese slices...............

    Had another important first as well..........my first upright urinary evacuation! Yeah I know, means nothing to you, but boy, sure is a big step to regaining some sense of normality. Savoured every moment of it too, knowing that I won't be able to pee in the garden in the sun for a long time!




    Adam, the first on the scene of the crash and responsible for stopping drivers removing my helmet and generally making me comfortable and one of his chihuahua puppies, aint they just peachy!



    Big thanks to Kerry for taking all these photos so I can see what the bike looks like before the big bad insurance man takes it away.

    Friday, June 02, 2006

    THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD..........

    Two and a half months ago a man showered shaved and got dressed.
    He put on his clean boxers, “in case you get run over by a bus”, slipped on a pair of socks, not too heavy not too light, a t shirt and light woven top, never know what the weather will do.
    He coaxed on his trousers, made of leather which used to keep the cow in and the world out and now put to use to keep him in and the world out, making sure the armour and padding sat well, tucked in the t shirt, fastened the zip and button on the front and slid the zip down the back of his left calf and then his right.
    He slipped on his left boot over the left trouser leg, did the zipper up and fastened the velcro flap over it, adjusted it to snugly wrap the boot around his calf just as he had done every other time before. He then put on his right boot and repeated the ritual.
    He placed a contact lens onto his left eyeball and then his right. Not being sure if it sat right he blinked only to find it to have slipped onto his cheek. After replacing it he went to the morning room out the back if the house and picked up his helmet, gloves and jacket.
    He steeped out into the fresh morning air in the backyard and made his way to the garage. Opened the door, walked in and turned on the light.
    There stood the bike in the middle, casually leaning on its side stand, the bag packed the night before sat patiently on the seat.
    He slid the lock on the roller door and performed the clean and jerk to let the day light into the garage.
    Walked up to the left side of the bike, deftly hooked his right leg over the seat between the fuel tank and the bag with a smooth movement betraying the countless times this had been done before.
    The key slid into the ignition barrel with its series of clicks now so familiar, almost unnoticed, and he turned it to the on position.
    The choke was pulled out to the first click, then the second and then carefully pushed back down to that point somewhere between the two that’s not quite half way but just shy of. Only he and the bike knew the exact spot where the engine liked it best.
    He stood the bike up, gave throttle a tiny flick and tickled the starter button for the exact amount of time that was optimum for the motor to be coerced into life and to begin its revolutions under its own steam.
    He pushed the bike backwards out onto the footpath, over the gutter and gave the handle bars just the enough angle to steer it into a 45 degree angle to the street, then pushed it forward to a parallel position.
    Flicking the side stand out the bike was lowered onto it and he got off to put on his helmet and gloves, both fastened meticulously, not too tight and not too loose.
    After the bike had warmed up he once again mounted it and pulled it upright. The side stand was flicked back and the gear lever pushed down to let the transmission know that first gear was required. The gearbox carried out the task with the usual reluctance accompanied by a series of clicks, cracks and thump of protest.
    A handful of throttle and the rider and machine were off.
    Little did he know that would be the last time he’d see the house for a long time.
    The man met the other riders who would be accompanying him on that day’s journey at the designated service station and the group of six took off.
    An hour or so into the two day long trip was when all plans went out the window.
    The semi trailer made sure that he would never finish that ride.
    It took two and half months before he returned home again, by far the longest trip he’d ever been on, and he did so in a wheel chair in the back of a specially equipped mini bus.
    The leaves had all leapt to their deaths off the trees in the street and laid a carpet of browns, yellows and fawns on the ground.
    The house looked the same from the outside but felt different.
    Inside were the usual signs of housemates having moved out and new ones in.
    A new fridge, different television, the bookcases gone, different computer desk, a new smell, the succulent given as get well present from work colleagues, even the bedroom looked different.
    Some things remained though like the photos of previous bike trips on the kitchen wall and cupboard, the bass amplifier still in the corner of the lounge where it was last placed after the last rehearsal before the trip, the Hawaiian music record on top of the door frame in the music room with naked native sitting on the beach.
    Things were indeed going to be different from now on.




    Thursday, June 01, 2006

    I'M SO HAPPY I COULD SHIT!!!

    Things is lookin up!
    Although the day started our pretty shitty it turned out to be quite good.

    It started out with a four and a half hour out patient trip to the Alfred. Now the longest I’ve spent in the wheelchair so far had been about two and a half as my recovering pelvis starts complaining like stuttering faecal commentary man on a bad day. My back also begins to protest at the torment it’s being subjected to due to my trying to sit more on the unbroken side of my arse! It never felt that bad even on our longest rides when touring on the bikes. So four and a half hours is bloody torture!
    I challenge anyone to sit on a chair for that long without a break.
    Turns out whoever made the appointment didn’t book me into the clinic. I did voice my concern to the receptionist, but when I was finally seen there was only one person left in the waiting room.
    I managed to read 1/3 of the book about the world’s fastest indian while waiting.
    By the time I got back, my lunch ( of which only half was brought up from the kitchen, damn those monkeys! ) was stone cold.


    The afternoon was filled with occupational therapy and physiotherapy, so more pain.


    I’m actually transferring myself from bed to wheelchair using a gutter frame! Considering the physio was aiming to have me doing this on friday, I reckon I’m doohan ok.
    It’s like a Zimmer frame with a half pipe for my right forearm which I use for support.
    This another first for me as it means I can stop pretending to be a motor being removed from a car every time I want to get in or out of the wheelchair. Normally it took two nurses and a hoist resembling an engine crane to carry out this procedure.

    Being able to this also means I can get onto a special chair used for showering and lightening your load. So no more of getting on that damn trolley to get cleaned up!

    So…….tonight I had my first crap just like normal people do. Woo Hooo!!!!
    So I guess I’ll have to stop using the line “You think you’re so good ’cause you can crap on the toilet!” now.


    More and more normal every day.

    You’ve seen some pictures of me, so today I’ll be starting a series of my deceased touring partner.
    She served me well in the 30,000kms I’ve ridden it.
    From trips around Tassie, to the snowy mountains in NSW, to a taste of the outback in Broken Hill, to the nation’s capital and all around Victoria………. not to mention the countless other day trips with mates and on my lonesome.
    She wasn’t the fastest glamour in the pack and was often the oldest ride on our outings, but none the less always got me to my destination and back, including two bitumen surfing incidents. There was that one time in Tassie when what looked like the original battery ceased to be one and turned into a useless lump of lead, plastic and acid. But a couple of push starts and we were on our way to the nearest battery shop.
    It also served as a gauge for deducting if a member of the opposite gender was fair game or not. If the member of the fairer sex was older than the bike ( built in 1985 ), she was thumbs up. ;)

    It was a great little bike and will be sorely missed.




    This is about where my right leg was......... between this and the semitrailer.

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