MOOMINS M.C.

I can’t hold back any longer!!!!!!!!!!

I have to share some of the crazy stuff that’s been going on here in regards to patients and staff.

One particular patient followed me here from the Alfred. Yes that’s right…..stuttering faecal commentary man..............
One of the nurses walked in on him once to find him digits up arse, trying to get the last of the bit of turd out. I know I promised no more poo stories but shit man, that's not normal behaviour. I think they put him the wrong ward. Glenn, my sister's other half is probably used to this kind of carry on being a psych nurse, maybe he could shed some light if this is committable behaviour.

He and another annoying little shit of a seventeen year old, who's always annoying everyone, have been kicked out due to mainly a particular incident that occurred a couple of nights ago.
They’d been down the pub and had come back off their guts.
There’s a couple of problems with that. The old coot became extremely abusive towards the staff, so much that one of the toughest nurses around here was all shook up. And I mean she’s tough. She could rectify anyone’s constipation problems just fixing them one of her looks! She could perform an emergency amputation with her bare teeth! Of course she’d be doing it “......for your own good”.
I managed to put things in perspective for her after telling her about some of the things I had to put up with when I shared a room with him for two weeks.
The second problem was that he’d been buying the young bloke his drinks. And the hospital is essentially responsible for the little turd while he’s in here.
Anyway, they both got kicked out.

We were also treated to a bit of music today. One of the patients, a fellow motorcyclist, is performing on piano tomorrow with a singer from Opera Australia. They did a performance for the ward today. Opera and musicals are not my cup of tea but it was nice anyway.

Gotta share two quotes from the staff.

“I was brought up to be proud to be a kiwi. Dad used to say that we should be proud, we invented the pavlova!” – one of the cute nurses

“I didn’t get my driver’s licence until much later. I was born to be driven.” – one of the gay nurses trying to drive my wheelchair.

Right now I’m watching some of the funniest tv ever!
The Eurovision song contest.
Where else can you see MC Hammer pants in 2006 ( Monaco ) or pregnant princesses ( Poland ).

But so far the winner is Bulgaria where the singer was accompanied by, I’m guessing, his grandfather who was trying to blow up a dead sheep.

Finland’s entry “Hard Rock Hallelujah” rocked though! 80’s cock rock metal with barbarian costumes and masks which looked like they were stolen from some low budget science fiction tv series. Pure genius and a nice contrast to the usual computer generated back beat, mindlessly boring crap.

Ireland’s entry was about the only one that sounded relatively ok, but lacked the passion that you’d expect. If you added a bar and a generous helping of Guiness it might have helped.

Lithuania’s entry consisting of a backing track that was a cross between Knock On Wood and When The Going Gets Tough and an endlessly repetitive lyric “We are the winners of Eurovision!” was very painful. Maybe they were going for some sort of hypnosis approach.

Monaco’s singing was flatter than a biscuit and Iceland’s golden shower routine needs no further comment. As for Andora, what country is that? Is it populated by goats or something?

All this goes to prove my long standing opinions that the 80’s never died in Europe and that the Europeans, cultured as they may be, are some of the biggest dags on this planet.

Anyway, here’s some more pics of my leg, because it’s just so purdy.

// posted by ZUBA @ Friday, May 19, 2006