Tuesday, May 30, 2006
MIDNIGHT RAMBLER
As I lie here rugged up tightly in my insomnia blanket...... I'm thinking.
Well.............I'm not really thinking. My brain's just performing some sort of activity which involves alternating thoughts cycling over like a hamster in a wheel. Putting in all this effort to get somewhere whilst not really getting anywhere.
I've been putting off thinking about it like you do when you had that assignment that was due in last week and you'd already got an extension and you hadn't even started it.
Quite some time ago I had made a conscious decision not to think about it as I wasn't ready emotionally or in any other way to make an honest decision. I figured....... go beige!......... go non committal!...........You'll know when the time is right!
Yet the question has never wandered far from my consciousness.
It gets left behind like a curious dog............only to realise that its owner has moved on.........and quickly rushes back to a proximity that reminds both of the ongoing unspoken bond.
Time has passed and I'm still not sure if I'm ready to make the choice. Whether I'll be ready next week............next month...........or next year, I don't know.
I do think it can only be my decision, yet it effects and is effected by others and their influence and input.
Oh to have a crystal ball.............to know the choice and its outcome................that would be the cotton wool in which to wrap myself in.
But I don't have one and am not likely to get one soon. So the dilemma continues and another night passes.......................................
Well.............I'm not really thinking. My brain's just performing some sort of activity which involves alternating thoughts cycling over like a hamster in a wheel. Putting in all this effort to get somewhere whilst not really getting anywhere.
I've been putting off thinking about it like you do when you had that assignment that was due in last week and you'd already got an extension and you hadn't even started it.
Quite some time ago I had made a conscious decision not to think about it as I wasn't ready emotionally or in any other way to make an honest decision. I figured....... go beige!......... go non committal!...........You'll know when the time is right!
Yet the question has never wandered far from my consciousness.
It gets left behind like a curious dog............only to realise that its owner has moved on.........and quickly rushes back to a proximity that reminds both of the ongoing unspoken bond.
Time has passed and I'm still not sure if I'm ready to make the choice. Whether I'll be ready next week............next month...........or next year, I don't know.
I do think it can only be my decision, yet it effects and is effected by others and their influence and input.
Oh to have a crystal ball.............to know the choice and its outcome................that would be the cotton wool in which to wrap myself in.
But I don't have one and am not likely to get one soon. So the dilemma continues and another night passes.......................................
