Monday, July 03, 2006
SHOCKING + APOLOGIES
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I love my life here in the hospital!
It enables me to experience strange and new things I never would have had the opportunity to if I wasn't hibernating here.
Like the wheelchair business for example. Incidently, when I said you should say:
"Sorry mate, didn't see ya there!"
I actually meant that instead of saying that ( the usual response ), which tends to be a little belittleing (sic), a simple
"G'day mate"
followed by a nod and smile will suffice.
Apologies for the inaccuracy / confusion.
It was late alright!
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject.
So, today's new experience was : ( drum roll )
Being electrically shocked for the sake of rehab!
Yep, the old sending electric pulses through the muscle to wake it up / stimulate it / give it a kick start trick.
Seeing as my right bicep is about as capable of performing as a pre viagra Pele, the pretty physio decided to give this treatment a go.
I was quite interested and inquisitive initially, but that was to change rather quickly.
First she applied some of that ultrasound gel to my upper arm, all well and good, and then stuck two little pads with wires coming out of them.
At this point all's going well and I couldn't help but crack a little joke.
"So, if I stick this on my old fella, will it make it work better or make it bigger?"
( wink, grin )
"Umm, I don't think so Chris."
She replied, chuckling and rolling her eyes and followed with,
"You'll feel like a kind of pins and needles sensation, it's a bit uncomfortable.""
I couldn't help but notice a faint smile on her dial as she started to crank up the voltage on the innocent little box the size of two cigarette packets.
Firstly it felt like a little tingle, then it slowly built up to something resembling being stabbed rapidly in the upper arm by a very enraged and determined woodpecker on speed hell bent on getting from one side of my arm to the other via my bicep.
Let me tell you that it FUCKING HURT!!!
Pins and needles my arse!
And feeling your wrist and fingers curl up of their own accord is pretty freaky too!
I'm sure this is the kind of device is standard issue for anyone working in Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay.
Oh well, if this is what I have to put up with in order to get my bicep to get its shit in a pile then so be it.
However, after much experimentation with the pads placement she came to the conclusion that the disagreeable little turd of a muscle is not even remotely interested in pulling its weight and that electric stimulation isn't going to work.
Something to do with the routes of least resistance for the current being determined by the brain or something.
Anyway, I am not rating this treatment AT ALL and would not recommend it to anyone.
It sucks arse!
Oh, and don't even think about putting it on your reproductive organs!
Me getting treatment in rehab today.......
.
I love my life here in the hospital!
It enables me to experience strange and new things I never would have had the opportunity to if I wasn't hibernating here.
Like the wheelchair business for example. Incidently, when I said you should say:
"Sorry mate, didn't see ya there!"
I actually meant that instead of saying that ( the usual response ), which tends to be a little belittleing (sic), a simple
"G'day mate"
followed by a nod and smile will suffice.
Apologies for the inaccuracy / confusion.
It was late alright!
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject.
So, today's new experience was : ( drum roll )
Being electrically shocked for the sake of rehab!
Yep, the old sending electric pulses through the muscle to wake it up / stimulate it / give it a kick start trick.
Seeing as my right bicep is about as capable of performing as a pre viagra Pele, the pretty physio decided to give this treatment a go.
I was quite interested and inquisitive initially, but that was to change rather quickly.
First she applied some of that ultrasound gel to my upper arm, all well and good, and then stuck two little pads with wires coming out of them.
At this point all's going well and I couldn't help but crack a little joke.
"So, if I stick this on my old fella, will it make it work better or make it bigger?"
( wink, grin )
"Umm, I don't think so Chris."
She replied, chuckling and rolling her eyes and followed with,
"You'll feel like a kind of pins and needles sensation, it's a bit uncomfortable.""
I couldn't help but notice a faint smile on her dial as she started to crank up the voltage on the innocent little box the size of two cigarette packets.
Firstly it felt like a little tingle, then it slowly built up to something resembling being stabbed rapidly in the upper arm by a very enraged and determined woodpecker on speed hell bent on getting from one side of my arm to the other via my bicep.
Let me tell you that it FUCKING HURT!!!
Pins and needles my arse!
And feeling your wrist and fingers curl up of their own accord is pretty freaky too!
I'm sure this is the kind of device is standard issue for anyone working in Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay.
Oh well, if this is what I have to put up with in order to get my bicep to get its shit in a pile then so be it.
However, after much experimentation with the pads placement she came to the conclusion that the disagreeable little turd of a muscle is not even remotely interested in pulling its weight and that electric stimulation isn't going to work.
Something to do with the routes of least resistance for the current being determined by the brain or something.
Anyway, I am not rating this treatment AT ALL and would not recommend it to anyone.
It sucks arse!
Oh, and don't even think about putting it on your reproductive organs!
Me getting treatment in rehab today.......
.
