Thursday, August 17, 2006
DAYDREAMS AND NIGHTMARES
Playing the waiting game now.
I feel a bit like a hunter or stalker.
Maybe like a paparazzo, lying in wait.
Nothing to do but wait.
The only difference now is that I know the time of when the event will take: next Wednesday.
That's operation No. 9 or a.k.a. "Operation Bone Flute".
The good surgeon will be drilling the necrotic ( dead ) bone out of the femural head ( the ball at the top of the thigh bone ), then drilling for live bone cores in order to fill up the negative space in the femural head.
Kind of like dentistry but in the thigh bone.
By the end of it I should hopefully have a repaired femural head and a temporary internal bone flute.
In three weeks they will check to see if the pelvis is united, if not it's back to the chop shop for some more metal installation.
The mind is wonderful, when all external stimulation ceases, it kicks in and starts to play with you and keep you occupied.
From escapist dreams to daytime fantasies, a veritable plethora of plays, movies, musicals, music clips, cryptic mysteries and an infinite number and variety of entertainment possibilities.
It's quite captivating to find yourself asleep, and realise that you're dreaming, then immersing yourself in the dream and just enjoying it.
Unless of curse it's one of those really freaky ''which drug fucked music video producer came up with this, what drugs was he on and where can I get some'' cryptic video clips.
I had one last night where it actually had some sort of metal / R & B / gospel music soundtrack and bizarre visuals that ended with a band and gospel choir in some sort of half missing / built / destroyed church or chapel, which was painstakingly designed and built by more drug fucked set producers and designers to gain maximum visual impact.
So exceptionally disjointed and confusing that it really was a modern art masterpiece.
Then there was the one a few days ago, where I, two men and a woman found an entrance into some subterranean world, not quite like the one in the book "The Descent", a little bit friendlier.
It was somewhere in the Siberian tundra and in this underworld lived people like us, except they were a bit weird and different.
We ended up finding some Russian scientist who had discovered it ages ago and decided to live out the rest of his life in this new world as some sort of highly enlightened and respected member of their society.
Some seem to possess a quality which gave them an ability to produce earthquakes.
I don't think they were aware of what their actions were doing above ground, but they none the less seemed like the cause of above worldly seismic activities.
And all this time we thought it was tectonic plates shifting and crust fractures.
What fools were we?!
This seismic activity seemed to be linked to their emotions and also punishment of one another.
We witnessed one who was punished by a tap on the forehead, another who was angry and beat his chest.
Being from the world above, we were somehow physically connected to these earthquakes, we felt and saw shockwaves radiating out form these beings like ripples in a pond.
Although being in this world they were somewhat reduced and more like the force felt when a vehicle goes past you causing a wave of air to momentarily move you off balance.
I guess the intensity of these was indicative of the depth of emotion or the severity of the punishment.
This was a wintery world very similar to ours.
It was always dark, but was lit up by electric lights and reminded my of a nocturnal European winter.
Cold, still, the darkness punctuated by various luminous sources.
The inhabitants were also able to shift and imprison consciousness into other objects.
For example, a bus was a conscious being and its life and purpose revolved around doing bus things, like picking the inhabitants up, moving somewhere and depositing them.
At one point our group had lost the female and later found ourselves being followed by a bus.
It turned out that she had been discovered and committed some punishable act, resulting in her consciousness being imprisoned in the bus to serve out her time serving other inhabitants.
At another point the four of us hid on top of a lift.
Myself up on some framing and the other three below me on top of the actual lift.
When the lift went to the top we climbed out through a hatch in the ceiling of the lift shaft.
The lifting of the hatch happened to cause some inhabitant in a wheel chair on the floor above to crash and land some distance from the chair.
He looked very distressed and in a lot of pain.
Naturally I assumed it was from some injuries and pain he had incurred as a result of the unexpected crash landing.
I asked him if the pain was coming from this body part or that one, what was causing him the discomfort?
To our surprise he informed us it was due to wheelchair withdrawal symptoms.
It appeared that he and the wheelchair were somehow connected and two parts of one being.
So we quickly put him back in it.
Maybe the wheelchair had some sort of consciousness as well, who knows?
We were on the run and didn't hang around long enough to find out.
Sometimes, the dreams are so intense that you wake up and have to almost pinch yourself in order to check your head and make sure you are where you think you are.
During the day, the brain waves can turn into tsunamis and you find yourself on a rollercoaster ride that you don't know you actually got onto and have no idea how to get off.
Eventually it comes to a halt and you have an opportunity to gather your senses and composure.
Just long enough to get on the next sideshow alley ride.
Oh look! There's Sideshow Bob!
Having an afternoon nanna nap ( due to my intensified physio program ) I woke suddenly.
No particular reason, no nurses or visitors or even dinner arriving.
My eyes cracked open rather quickly and my vision was filled with the most amazing rainbow outside.
Well, I guess it had to be outside didn't it? Duh!!
My square window was displaying the first rainbow I've seen in a bloody long time.
I didn't realise it initially as I made a half arsed attempt to roll away and ignore it.
I was more upset by the fact my snooze was rudely interrupted by some insolent optical illusion!
But I rolled back over and it was still there.
Rainbow.
Pretty.
Pretty rainbow.
I think I'm going m m m mad sah!!!
.
I feel a bit like a hunter or stalker.
Maybe like a paparazzo, lying in wait.
Nothing to do but wait.
The only difference now is that I know the time of when the event will take: next Wednesday.
That's operation No. 9 or a.k.a. "Operation Bone Flute".
The good surgeon will be drilling the necrotic ( dead ) bone out of the femural head ( the ball at the top of the thigh bone ), then drilling for live bone cores in order to fill up the negative space in the femural head.
Kind of like dentistry but in the thigh bone.
By the end of it I should hopefully have a repaired femural head and a temporary internal bone flute.
In three weeks they will check to see if the pelvis is united, if not it's back to the chop shop for some more metal installation.
The mind is wonderful, when all external stimulation ceases, it kicks in and starts to play with you and keep you occupied.
From escapist dreams to daytime fantasies, a veritable plethora of plays, movies, musicals, music clips, cryptic mysteries and an infinite number and variety of entertainment possibilities.
It's quite captivating to find yourself asleep, and realise that you're dreaming, then immersing yourself in the dream and just enjoying it.
Unless of curse it's one of those really freaky ''which drug fucked music video producer came up with this, what drugs was he on and where can I get some'' cryptic video clips.
I had one last night where it actually had some sort of metal / R & B / gospel music soundtrack and bizarre visuals that ended with a band and gospel choir in some sort of half missing / built / destroyed church or chapel, which was painstakingly designed and built by more drug fucked set producers and designers to gain maximum visual impact.
So exceptionally disjointed and confusing that it really was a modern art masterpiece.
Then there was the one a few days ago, where I, two men and a woman found an entrance into some subterranean world, not quite like the one in the book "The Descent", a little bit friendlier.
It was somewhere in the Siberian tundra and in this underworld lived people like us, except they were a bit weird and different.
We ended up finding some Russian scientist who had discovered it ages ago and decided to live out the rest of his life in this new world as some sort of highly enlightened and respected member of their society.
Some seem to possess a quality which gave them an ability to produce earthquakes.
I don't think they were aware of what their actions were doing above ground, but they none the less seemed like the cause of above worldly seismic activities.
And all this time we thought it was tectonic plates shifting and crust fractures.
What fools were we?!
This seismic activity seemed to be linked to their emotions and also punishment of one another.
We witnessed one who was punished by a tap on the forehead, another who was angry and beat his chest.
Being from the world above, we were somehow physically connected to these earthquakes, we felt and saw shockwaves radiating out form these beings like ripples in a pond.
Although being in this world they were somewhat reduced and more like the force felt when a vehicle goes past you causing a wave of air to momentarily move you off balance.
I guess the intensity of these was indicative of the depth of emotion or the severity of the punishment.
This was a wintery world very similar to ours.
It was always dark, but was lit up by electric lights and reminded my of a nocturnal European winter.
Cold, still, the darkness punctuated by various luminous sources.
The inhabitants were also able to shift and imprison consciousness into other objects.
For example, a bus was a conscious being and its life and purpose revolved around doing bus things, like picking the inhabitants up, moving somewhere and depositing them.
At one point our group had lost the female and later found ourselves being followed by a bus.
It turned out that she had been discovered and committed some punishable act, resulting in her consciousness being imprisoned in the bus to serve out her time serving other inhabitants.
At another point the four of us hid on top of a lift.
Myself up on some framing and the other three below me on top of the actual lift.
When the lift went to the top we climbed out through a hatch in the ceiling of the lift shaft.
The lifting of the hatch happened to cause some inhabitant in a wheel chair on the floor above to crash and land some distance from the chair.
He looked very distressed and in a lot of pain.
Naturally I assumed it was from some injuries and pain he had incurred as a result of the unexpected crash landing.
I asked him if the pain was coming from this body part or that one, what was causing him the discomfort?
To our surprise he informed us it was due to wheelchair withdrawal symptoms.
It appeared that he and the wheelchair were somehow connected and two parts of one being.
So we quickly put him back in it.
Maybe the wheelchair had some sort of consciousness as well, who knows?
We were on the run and didn't hang around long enough to find out.
Sometimes, the dreams are so intense that you wake up and have to almost pinch yourself in order to check your head and make sure you are where you think you are.
During the day, the brain waves can turn into tsunamis and you find yourself on a rollercoaster ride that you don't know you actually got onto and have no idea how to get off.
Eventually it comes to a halt and you have an opportunity to gather your senses and composure.
Just long enough to get on the next sideshow alley ride.
Oh look! There's Sideshow Bob!
Having an afternoon nanna nap ( due to my intensified physio program ) I woke suddenly.
No particular reason, no nurses or visitors or even dinner arriving.
My eyes cracked open rather quickly and my vision was filled with the most amazing rainbow outside.
Well, I guess it had to be outside didn't it? Duh!!
My square window was displaying the first rainbow I've seen in a bloody long time.
I didn't realise it initially as I made a half arsed attempt to roll away and ignore it.
I was more upset by the fact my snooze was rudely interrupted by some insolent optical illusion!
But I rolled back over and it was still there.
Rainbow.
Pretty.
Pretty rainbow.
I think I'm going m m m mad sah!!!
.
