Tuesday, July 18, 2006
NKOSI SIKELEL' IAFRIKA / DIE STEM VAN SUID AFRICA (S.F. national anthem )
.
As far as anniversaries go, today's would have to one of the strangest by anyone's standards.
But I shall get to that later.
Yesterday I was paid a visit by my mate Michelle from Tassie.
Bless her funky little tv addicted soul for she came bearing another six pack of Tassie's finest. ( thanks heaps matie )
Sometimes it feels a bit like bootlegging runs between Tasmania and Victoria seeing as The Red One is not legal tender or available in Victoria.
What the hell is wrong with this god forsaken state where a motorist who puts another in hospital for months on end is fined 2 points and one hundred something dollars for failing to keep left and you can't buy Cascade Red???!!!
And I know, because I've rung retailers and even Carlton United Breweries to see if I could get some of this liquid gold and it seems the only way is to smuggle it across Bass Strait, all clandestine like.
Disgusting, I tells ya!!! Absolutely despicable!!!
Keli rocked up as well so we followed the usual catch up protocol and took off to the pub for some crisp draught beer.
T'was indeed good to see her, although not as upright as the last time.
Last time we met was at my best mate Scottie's wedding in November last year.
Come to think of it, I was barely upright then as well, but obviously due to a different cause.
Wasn't long and she had to disappear again until the next time. ( see ya soon )
Now, for today.
As mentioned before, it's been 4 months today since the "defilement by Kenworth" come off.
I'm celebrating it with a very sore body, joints and all ( although there's no joint involved at all, bugger, only sweet Cascade Red ) whilst watching a documentary on SBS about a woman with 2 wombs, 2 cervixes, 2 vaginas and 2 pregnancies at the same time.
Like I said, there's always someone worse off or, it's always funny.........when it happens to someone else.
The reason for the all soreness is partly due to the physio from the last two days and a new test I had the great misfortune to experience today.
I'd woken up this morning and for some inexplicable reason had the South African national anthem going round and round in my brain.
Now, I 've got no idea as to why this was and the only logical reason I can think of is the Wallabies V Springboks rugby game on the weekend.
Very disturbing.
Then I had a thought.
The doctor I was to see today is Dr Hjorth.
Sounded kinda Zuid Afrikaan to me!
Whoops, there goes that overactive imagination again!
This morning at approximately 1000 hours I was wheeled away to a lower, more distant and dingy looking part of the hospital where I was to undergo an EMG.
I had heard a few different stories and accounts as to what this is and what I can expect, so when I arrived I was pretty keen to find out exactly what will happen.
I was met by a man who as it turned out wasn't a doctor but a scientist.
He was to assist the doctor and seemed like an ok sort of bloke.
"Are you South African by any chance mate?" I enquired.
"No, not at all." he replied, very bemused.
The doctor however was a different kettle of fish.
As it turned out, she was not Dr. Hjorth ( and Hjorth I found out is Danish ), but Dr Kiers.
I've got a feeling she had her personality surgically removed prior to beginning her stint in this position.
Not only that, but she was a rude prick to boot.
Now I use this word because I cannot find any other suitable apart from c**t.
She asked me to soak my hands in some warm water in a hand basin, which was positioned lower than most hand basins have a right to be and had a note asking people not to lean on it when soaking.
As my back and legs starting to get more and more painful I forwarded my opinion to it's lack of altitude.
This was met with a response from the little short man:
"Well if you've got ten thousand dollars for us to remodel it, then yes we can." smirk
That immediately put him into the feckin' smart arse eejiet category and I started to think if he could come up with an equally smart arse remark after copping a smack around the side of the head.
"Can anyone tell me exactly what's going to happen here?" I asked.
This was met with a reply that I did not expect at all from a supposed professional:
"You'll find out as soon as we start."
Another smart arse remark!
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Normally any normal person who is about to affect another or their possession will explain what it is they're about to do, the consequences, etc.
Not this one!
No siree, this fucking blonde, middle aged, ice queen, female Josef Mengele doesn't stoop to those levels.
"That surname, that's not South African is it?"
"No it's Australian."
Yeah right!!!!!
I know you, you sadistic Afrikaaner bitch!
Anyway, I vent too much.
The start of the procedure was fairly straight forward.
They stuck sensor pads on my arm and pulled out this electrical prod.
This was then driven ( they used a fair bit of force and left marks! ) into various parts of my arm and an electric current was gradually increased until the tested muscle was doing impersonations of a fish out of water.
My hand, fingers and arm all flapped about with each jolt.
This wasn't so bad as I had experienced electrocution before, but the next bit went a bit further in the pain stakes.
It involved Dr. Kiers, or Charlize ( good traditional Zuid Afrikaansche name that) as I prefer to remember her as, inserting a needle into my arm.
Then she would jab about with it until she hit the nerve.
Then I was asked to use that muscle with the needle inserted in it as hard as I could and the electrical current would be converted into noise not unlike the kind heard from geiger counters.
The needle would be removed and then the jabbing would continue in another unsuspecting part of my arm.
This whole experience left me with a combination of round prod marks, puncture marks and bruises and a feeling like I was some kind of lab rat on a production line.
I thanked her for completing the EMG relatively promptly out of sheer relief.
By the time I left my right hand was literally dripping with sweat and I was as pale as a ghost.
I didn't have enough wits about me to tell these two what I thought of them, so when I got back, I asked the receptionist to send a message to Charlize to call me so I could give her a piece of my mind.
Haven't heard anything back from her so far.
Oh, and before I forget, remember that rant about Israel and stuff?
Well I sent a slightly modified ( replaced the swear words ) version to The Feral Scum ( the herald sun for those from interstate ), The Age and the biggest newspaper in Israel: Ynetnews.
A heavily edited version appeared in the The Hun, but I don't know about The Age or the Israeli paper.
Maybe I do have too much time on my hands.
Cheers to four months in hospital!! clink
.
As far as anniversaries go, today's would have to one of the strangest by anyone's standards.
But I shall get to that later.
Yesterday I was paid a visit by my mate Michelle from Tassie.
Bless her funky little tv addicted soul for she came bearing another six pack of Tassie's finest. ( thanks heaps matie )
Sometimes it feels a bit like bootlegging runs between Tasmania and Victoria seeing as The Red One is not legal tender or available in Victoria.
What the hell is wrong with this god forsaken state where a motorist who puts another in hospital for months on end is fined 2 points and one hundred something dollars for failing to keep left and you can't buy Cascade Red???!!!
And I know, because I've rung retailers and even Carlton United Breweries to see if I could get some of this liquid gold and it seems the only way is to smuggle it across Bass Strait, all clandestine like.
Disgusting, I tells ya!!! Absolutely despicable!!!
Keli rocked up as well so we followed the usual catch up protocol and took off to the pub for some crisp draught beer.
T'was indeed good to see her, although not as upright as the last time.
Last time we met was at my best mate Scottie's wedding in November last year.
Come to think of it, I was barely upright then as well, but obviously due to a different cause.
Wasn't long and she had to disappear again until the next time. ( see ya soon )
Now, for today.
As mentioned before, it's been 4 months today since the "defilement by Kenworth" come off.
I'm celebrating it with a very sore body, joints and all ( although there's no joint involved at all, bugger, only sweet Cascade Red ) whilst watching a documentary on SBS about a woman with 2 wombs, 2 cervixes, 2 vaginas and 2 pregnancies at the same time.
Like I said, there's always someone worse off or, it's always funny.........when it happens to someone else.
The reason for the all soreness is partly due to the physio from the last two days and a new test I had the great misfortune to experience today.
I'd woken up this morning and for some inexplicable reason had the South African national anthem going round and round in my brain.
Now, I 've got no idea as to why this was and the only logical reason I can think of is the Wallabies V Springboks rugby game on the weekend.
Very disturbing.
Then I had a thought.
The doctor I was to see today is Dr Hjorth.
Sounded kinda Zuid Afrikaan to me!
Whoops, there goes that overactive imagination again!
This morning at approximately 1000 hours I was wheeled away to a lower, more distant and dingy looking part of the hospital where I was to undergo an EMG.
I had heard a few different stories and accounts as to what this is and what I can expect, so when I arrived I was pretty keen to find out exactly what will happen.
I was met by a man who as it turned out wasn't a doctor but a scientist.
He was to assist the doctor and seemed like an ok sort of bloke.
"Are you South African by any chance mate?" I enquired.
"No, not at all." he replied, very bemused.
The doctor however was a different kettle of fish.
As it turned out, she was not Dr. Hjorth ( and Hjorth I found out is Danish ), but Dr Kiers.
I've got a feeling she had her personality surgically removed prior to beginning her stint in this position.
Not only that, but she was a rude prick to boot.
Now I use this word because I cannot find any other suitable apart from c**t.
She asked me to soak my hands in some warm water in a hand basin, which was positioned lower than most hand basins have a right to be and had a note asking people not to lean on it when soaking.
As my back and legs starting to get more and more painful I forwarded my opinion to it's lack of altitude.
This was met with a response from the little short man:
"Well if you've got ten thousand dollars for us to remodel it, then yes we can." smirk
That immediately put him into the feckin' smart arse eejiet category and I started to think if he could come up with an equally smart arse remark after copping a smack around the side of the head.
"Can anyone tell me exactly what's going to happen here?" I asked.
This was met with a reply that I did not expect at all from a supposed professional:
"You'll find out as soon as we start."
Another smart arse remark!
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Normally any normal person who is about to affect another or their possession will explain what it is they're about to do, the consequences, etc.
Not this one!
No siree, this fucking blonde, middle aged, ice queen, female Josef Mengele doesn't stoop to those levels.
"That surname, that's not South African is it?"
"No it's Australian."
Yeah right!!!!!
I know you, you sadistic Afrikaaner bitch!
Anyway, I vent too much.
The start of the procedure was fairly straight forward.
They stuck sensor pads on my arm and pulled out this electrical prod.
This was then driven ( they used a fair bit of force and left marks! ) into various parts of my arm and an electric current was gradually increased until the tested muscle was doing impersonations of a fish out of water.
My hand, fingers and arm all flapped about with each jolt.
This wasn't so bad as I had experienced electrocution before, but the next bit went a bit further in the pain stakes.
It involved Dr. Kiers, or Charlize ( good traditional Zuid Afrikaansche name that) as I prefer to remember her as, inserting a needle into my arm.
Then she would jab about with it until she hit the nerve.
Then I was asked to use that muscle with the needle inserted in it as hard as I could and the electrical current would be converted into noise not unlike the kind heard from geiger counters.
The needle would be removed and then the jabbing would continue in another unsuspecting part of my arm.
This whole experience left me with a combination of round prod marks, puncture marks and bruises and a feeling like I was some kind of lab rat on a production line.
I thanked her for completing the EMG relatively promptly out of sheer relief.
By the time I left my right hand was literally dripping with sweat and I was as pale as a ghost.
I didn't have enough wits about me to tell these two what I thought of them, so when I got back, I asked the receptionist to send a message to Charlize to call me so I could give her a piece of my mind.
Haven't heard anything back from her so far.
Oh, and before I forget, remember that rant about Israel and stuff?
Well I sent a slightly modified ( replaced the swear words ) version to The Feral Scum ( the herald sun for those from interstate ), The Age and the biggest newspaper in Israel: Ynetnews.
A heavily edited version appeared in the The Hun, but I don't know about The Age or the Israeli paper.
Maybe I do have too much time on my hands.
Cheers to four months in hospital!! clink
.
